Become Happier On and Off the Course
Author of The Happiest Golfer
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The Hey Mom Letter
Every once in a while, I need to be reminded why I do things.
When my mom was alive, she would be the one to remind me. She would keep me on my path.
Two years ago tomorrow, she died.
And during these last two years, I've tried to make sense of the real reasons why I teach golf. I stress people over score. I stress experience over wins. I stress happiness above all.
My mom was happiness...and after two years, I've found deeper meaning in her death.
So, I wrote her a letter......
Hey Mom-
I think I figured it out.
I know why you left. I know why it was your time.
Your puzzle was done.
See, over the last few years, I've written a lot about you. I've told people stories that made them laugh and cry. I've told them personal things, and I shared things I never thought I would.
Some people used the words legacy and honor, but I just wanted to show them how happy you really were.
Every one of these stories was from a memory that you gave me. And you know me, remembering to do things isn't exactly my strong suit. But remembering people is way easier to do...especially the ones you love the most.
All the things you told me, all the times we spent together, all the times we laughed and argued and ate ice cream...these are pieces of my puzzle. Some may have been pieces of your puzzle too.
You told me when I was younger, "If you want to be truly rich, you already are if you are happy and good."
Piece of the puzzle.
You watched and cheered all my baseball and basketball games. You walked with me during my golf matches.
Piece of the puzzle.
You sang loud in church even though you said you had a bad voice. (It wasn't that bad...it wasn't Nickelback bad).
Piece of the puzzle.
I've realized that as we go through life, we all have these puzzles that we're trying to create. We have different pieces to fill in.
And these pieces aren't about our egos, and victories, and accomplishments.
No. These pieces are the important people in our lives.
You had the most pieces I had ever seen.
People were always astounded how you could have so many friends. Your funeral was the biggest the church had ever seen.
Your puzzle was huge.
But I know that you worked at that puzzle. You put other people in your life before you...and your puzzle grew.
I'm hoping my puzzle gets to be as great as yours.
Even near the end, you continued to gather pieces of the puzzle. You continued to make an impact on people.
Especially me.
Because when you got sick, and while I was watching you go through your stuff, I started having trouble with my puzzle. I was scared to put myself out there, so that my puzzle could grow.
My puzzle was stuck.
I needed a piece that I didn't have. And I didn't know where to look.
But, always the giver that you are, you again showed me the path.
I know now why you continued to smile all the way to the end.
You were giving me another piece of my puzzle.
I needed to embrace what was happening. I needed to approach things how you approach them. I needed to realize that happiness is all around us. I needed to showcase people.
I needed perspective.
This time, the piece you gave me was your last piece.
Because you knew that when your puzzle was finished, mine could continue to grow.
You knew that the piece that completed your puzzle, was the piece that made mine unstuck.
You are the reason I became unstuck.
You are the most important piece of my puzzle.
Your death was your last piece. You had finished your puzzle.
When your friends and family look at it, they see a whole lot of people, a whole lot of cool memories, and a whole lot of happiness.
And they simply smile.
But even though you're gone...you're still a part of my puzzle.
Thanks for reminding me through all the 11:11 stuff. (I'll tell people the story at another time, but come on, who would have thought 4 bags of Jolly Rancher suckers at Target cost $11.11?)
I wouldn't have been able to grow my puzzle unless you helped me along. And you're still doing just that. You're giving me memories to share that will make the world happier.
So, I'm trying to continue on what you started: Sharing happiness by giving them a little piece of their puzzle.
Thanks for being the most important piece of mine.
Thanks for showing me the path. Thanks for all the things you said to me when I was younger (that you probably didn't think I'd remember). Thanks for highlighting all the people in your life. Thanks for showing me what's really important.
Thanks for putting together your puzzle so flawlessly, that only happiness could spring from it.
And thanks for sharing that happiness with others.
Especially me.
Love,
Bryan
P.S. See you in a while, talk to you tomorrow.
P.P.S. Since you're up there, ask God why he let that Harlem Shake thing last so long.
www.bryansgolf.com
www.thehappiestgolfer.com
bryan@bryansgolf.com
763-443-8090
Facebook: Bryan Skavnak Golf Academy
Bonding Over a Game
During my freshman year of college, I went through a rite of passage.
Oh, I know what you're thinking...it wasn't that. Whoa, it wasn't that either. Come on, this is a family show.
I went through that other rite of passage.
Learning to live with a random roommate.
You've probably done this before too. You were expected to live in a 10x10 room, with someone you've never met before, in a new environment, at a new place.
But I was lucky.
I got matched up with a rock star. (Or, as much as an Eagle Scout can be a rock star).
See, this roommate of mine had some very redeeming qualities.
He was easy going, he was smart, and he played golf.
But the best quality of all...
He sucked at cribbage.
Now, you would think that by the title of this post, that the game in "bonding over a game" would have been golf.
Nope, it was cribbage.
I know, I know...we couldn't keep the ladies away.
We played cribbage every chance we got. Between classes, at night, while we should have been doing homework.
Our standard wager was a nickel a peg. Meaning, if one of us won by 20 pegs, the other person would owe a dollar.
It doesn't sound like big money, and it probably shouldn't have been, but I swear I paid for my first semester of school off cribbage wins.
Cribbage brought us together.
It made us talk.
It made us laugh.
It made us have some fun.
Cribbage made what could have been a scary part of lives, something that we could handle. Because we played with someone who felt the same way.
A dumb little game did that.
Yeah. Make your own segue.
So, what ever happened to that random freshman roommate?
I saw him Sunday.
And usually a few times a month.
We hang out. We travel together. We play golf.
Our kids play and laugh together too.
I've decided that when my son is old enough, I'm teaching him how to play cribbage. Like father like son.
And I hope that he plays against my random freshman roommate's son.
Because cribbage gave me a friend.
And maybe he'll find one too.
Plus, there's a chance I won't have to pay for his first semester of college.
Talk soon,
Bryan
P.S. Light the Links night golf event is May 18. Register and more info right here.
www.bryansgolf.com
www.thehappiestgolfer.com
bryan@bryansgolf.com
763-443-8090
Facebook: Bryan Skavnak Golf Academy
The Writing is on the Ball
Ready for the understatement of the century?
High School girls lose concentration easily.
This is very apparent when some of the girls on my team are playing in matches.
They are having fun with their group, then all of a sudden, frustration. A couple bad shots leads to a bad hole and the girls get messy.
The bad hole compounds into losing focus on what’s really important. It’s a very easy thing to do.
Before every match I give the girls a golf ball.
Most of them don’t care that much about the ball, so they just toss it in their bag.
Going into one tournament, the girls needed a morale boost and a change of focus. So before I gave them their golf ball, I did something a little different.
I wrote on the ball.
I simply wrote, “Smile” on every ball.
The girls took notice and even though they didn’t play better that day, they told me after that they had more fun.
The next tournament, I wrote on them again.
This time it was more personal for each girl. I based what I wrote on what they liked, their attitude, what they were struggling with, what they thought was funny.
“You are a great putter”
“The sun is out.”
“Don’t get run over by the lawnmower”
"Burritos!"
The girls caught on quickly and started focusing on the right things; the things they could control.
Because during their round, when they were feeling down, they would simply glance at the ball for a little motivation or laughter.
Pretty soon, I got requests.
“Write something funny.” “Write something only I would get.” “Draw something.” (Asking me to draw something is like asking me to turn down candy…I don’t do it very well)
It became a challenge to write personal and funny things match after match, but it helped me listen more. It helped me ask more questions to the girls. It helped me learn more about them.
I never thought being around a bunch of high school girls could teach me so much. And I never realized that a few simple personal words could do so much.
But, what it taught me the most was that the people of golf are more important than anything else.
Change your focus from score to people and see what happens.
You'll be happier.
Talk soon,
Bryan
P.S. Summer program registration going on over at www.bryansgolf.com. You'll find a lot of fun people in these classes. And the instructor is a pretty cool dude too.
www.bryansgolf.com
www.thedaddycaddy.com
bryan@bryansgolf.com
763-443-8090
Facebook: Bryan Skavnak Golf Academy
Don't Take a Golf Lesson From Me...
...until you do this one thing first.
Had you going there for a second, didn't I?
One of the best parts of my job is when I see the look on your face after you hit a shot that you've never hit before.
It could be a solid shot that flies higher than you've ever hit. It could be a chip-in. It could be a drive that booms down fairway.
The look is the best.
It's the "Holy cow, did you see what I just did?" look.
The "I didn't know I could do that" look.
My job is to show you how to hit a golf shot.
But more importantly, my job is to show you the possibility.
You just have to do one thing first.
Get out of your own way.
Because that surprised look you have on your face, when you hit a shot like never before, is because you didn't actually think you could do it.
I've seen a guy break 90 for the first time by shooting 76, so you can do it.
I've seen a quiet kid open up and make a bunch of friends, so you can do it.
I've seen a guy write 2 books about happiness after his mom died, so you can do it.
I believe in you. Other people believe in you. So, it's time you start believing in yourself.
One of my favorite bands in the world is Cloud Cult. They simply write great songs.
They have a new song called, "You're the Only Thing in Your Way."
This song goes hand in hand with something I wrote a while ago called The Reality of Rejection.
So, I don't want you to take a golf lesson from me until you do something.
And I'll give you the choice.
Either listen to this song, "You're the Only Thing in Your Way"......or
Re-read The Reality of Rejection.
(Bonus points if you do both).
Either one will take you three minutes. That's it. Take three minutes to change the way you think.
My favorite line in the song, "You've come too far to care what they say. Now you're the only thing in your way."
My favorite part in the writing, "Rejection rarely happens. We just suck at math."
The belief, the confidence....I can help you get there. But it starts with you.
Three minutes. Go.
Here's the link to the song.
Here's the link to The Reality of Rejection.
Talk soon,
Bryan
P.S. Oh, you're one of those people that only read the P.S? Here's what I said...don't take a golf lesson from me until you either Listen to this. Or read this.
www.bryansgolf.com
www.thedaddycaddy.com
bryan@bryansgolf.com
763-443-8090
Facebook: Bryan Skavnak Golf Academy
A High School Story
I've coached a high school girls golf team for 8 years.
Yes, I'm mildly insane.
The high school is one of the most academically intense college prep schools in Minnesota. I fell into the job by teaching one of the assistant coaches at the time. I knew nothing of the school, but thought it would be fun to coach high school level kids.
I quickly found out that there was a strong culture of high performance at the school. Not a bad thing at all. But, man, these kids had to work hard. They would consistently have 3-4 hours of homework each night, be expected to participate in athletics and other activities. Plus, the sports teams were expected to compete with the best and win state titles.
And the main focus was always keeping a top level east coast school on their radar. The goal, most definitely, was to be accepted into an excellent college.
I struggled through the first few years of coaching.
The girls didn't seem dedicated. They would skip practice. When they did practice, they seemed rushed and unfocused. They were always stressed about something and never seemed to be having any fun.
I soon realized that golf was not high on their list of priorities. They were worrying academics, and ACTs, and SATs, and projects, and studying, that golf had to take a back seat.
So I did what any other coach at an institution that valued high level performance would do.
Wait, no I didn't.
I did the opposite.
I changed the focus of our team. I allowed golf to be the break from all the other things going on in the girls' lives. Every match was just time spent with friends.
Winning mentality? Depends on how you define winning.
I've always like to do the opposite.
When everyone in my 6th grade class was listening to Van Halen, I listened to New Kids on the Block. (I still remember a girl in my class saying, "Boys don't listen to that.")
When my college friends wanted to take me out for my 21st birthday to get hammered, I told them I had to study for a test. (Really, I did).
And when my governing board (The PGA) tells me that I should probably teach a certain way, I like to do what benefits you more. So that's why golf improvement takes a back seat to life improvement.
Golf was the outlet for the girls. At practice, we sat down, ate a bunch of food, and talked. Just talked. During matches, I started writing phrases on their golf balls to make them laugh. We didn't focus on winning. We just focused on playing.
We didn't have structured meetings or banquets. The girls just hung out, laughed, and had fun.
And to this day, that's what we still do.
We have enough to worry about in our lives. Golf is not something we need to get stressed about. Golf can be an outlet for you too. It's a chance to be with people you care about and just play a game.
We need a new approach to this game. We can’t continue to focus on the superficial parts of the game. Score, swing, winning...does that really matter more than the connections and memories we can make?
Something needs to change.
And I’m here to show you that things can be different.
Sure I use golf as my backdrop to spend more time with family and have real connections with people. But, this can go for any activity. As long as you focus on the right things.
See, back 20-25 years ago, kids played in sports for fun and recreation. To get a little exercise and be with their friends.
Now, sports are overly controlled. Travel leagues dominate...and if you don’t have the proper skill to play, you either drop down to a different league or you don’t get to play at all.
We need to get back to the times when games were fun for the players. So the parents and siblings can cheer on without worrying about getting into a fight with another dad. So the umps and referees stop taking so much abuse. We need to put winning on the back-burner and help these kids develop by playing the game, learning the game, and making mistakes.
We need to be together with the people who are important to us.
We need to be leaders.
And that's what I intend to do.
Thanks for joining me.
Talk soon,
Bryan
www.bryansgolf.com
www.thedaddycaddy.com
bryan@bryansgolf.com
763-443-8090
Facebook: Bryan Skavnak Golf Academy
I married a beverage cart girl
Back in OutKast, Lil Jon music days of 2003, I was working as an assistant pro at Pioneer Creek.
It was a fun gig. I got to meet a lot of different people who played there, work with a good group of people, and play some golf in my free time.
In the fall of that year, our regular crew of employees was heading back to high school and college, so we were in need of some help.
The head pro's wife worked at a hospital and asked a girl there if she wanted to drive the beverage cart on the weekends in September. The girl obliged and came out one Saturday to get trained in by the head pro.
Here's where the day turned in my favor....
The head pro left early on the day that the girl was coming in, and left me in charge of training her.
No problem. I had done it before. I could do it again.
In walked this girl.
Now my wife (that girl) will tell you that I don't remember anything.
True and False.
I don't remember anything I did yesterday. But I remember everything that happened long ago.
And part of what I remember is that I didn't (and don't) have any game. I have a golf game. But I don't have game game.
So I just talked and listened, and bumbled over my words like an idiot.
Throughout the day, she talked about her family. She mentioned that she golfed. And she sold a bunch of beer. That's kind of the trifecta, isn't it?
2 weeks later she asked this idiot out.
Yep, she asked me.
The rest is history (and yeah, Kim, I do remember it).
3 years later we got married...
at a golf course...
and took pictures on the beverage cart.
I want you to come join me for golf this summer. I can't guarantee you'll get married to a beverage cart girl (or guy). I can't guarantee you'll make it on the PGA Tour. But I bet you'll have some good stories to share.
Talk soon,
Bryan
P.S. Summer program registration going on over at www.bryansgolf.com.
www.bryansgolf.com
www.thedaddycaddy.com
bryan@bryansgolf.com
763-443-8090
Facebook: Bryan Skavnak Golf Academy
